Fiancé wants a church wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not Catholic but I can't imagine lying about being Catholic to get someone from the religion to perform my wedding ceremony and let me marry in their church, how does that feel right?

OP and her fiancé should meet with the priest and find out what would be involved instead of crowdsourcing here. None of us really care where they get married or know what the parish would require.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not religious and think it will be easier to get married at the same venue as our reception. Fiancé grew up catholic but isn’t a practicing catholic. His family and him think a church wedding is more appropriate, but I feel it’s weird to get married in a church when I’m not religious. I feel like it’s making a mockery of the religion. Should I give in because it’s not that important to me?

No I would have the wedding you want. They had their wedding now you have yours.

I guess OP can marry herself then b/c the title is "Fiance wants a church wedding" and last I checked a wedding is between two people. The two people involved here do not agree.

The title is not accurate because in a follow up post she says:

“OP here. He wants to appease his family and get married in a church like almost all of his family.”

So really the title should be “Fiancé wants a church wedding to appease his family even though his bride to be doesn’t want to get married in the church.”

They’re talking about lying to a priest that they intend to raise their kids Catholic. I share OP’s concerns that the vibes are off on getting married under false pretenses.

So, the fiancé wants a Catholic wedding for reason: x,y, z. Same difference. They are not on the same page.

She wants a wedding outside of a church for her own intrinsic reasons. DH’s family wants them to get married in a church for their own intrinsic reasons.

DH is saying he wants a church wedding because he wants to do what his family wants. It’s not his own personal desire, but is a reason based on outside influence. If his parents woke up tomorrow and said “you two do whatever you want for your wedding we support you no matter what,” would he still be asking OP to marry in a church?

I’m curious if DH’s family is paying for the wedding in some way. OP hasn’t answered that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

It’s her wedding just as much as her DH’s. What she wants should matter more than what DH’s family wants. If DH personally wants to marry in a church he can articulate the reasons to her. But “my family all got married in a church and mommy and daddy want me to marry in a church” is a pretty stupid reason for the couple to decide this.

[Anonymous]

Lying about religion to appease religious (and more commonly, pseudo religious) bullies is a right of passage for non religious people.

There are no easy answers.

There is nothing wrong with being practical.

There is good cause for making reasonable compromise:
Get married in a non denominational, Unitarian, or otherwise compatible church or spiritual center.
Invite his family to speak any prayers for you that they wish.
At the end of the day, you and your betrothed must decide what works for the two of you. Your fiance needs to commit to you, not to his bullying family, to get married.

[Anonymous]

she said it's not important to her

[Anonymous]

it’s not that important to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and “We aren’t religious, don’t go to church, and will not be raising our kids in any religion.”

Yet.

Because if the influence of his parents and family is such that he wants to create what looks like a church wedding to satisfy them (and probably a part of him), everything else is up for grabs too.

This. You are not compatibile. Religion is going to be important if you have kids. I think you should end it. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

You're not very smart. And bad analogy. The her fiancé wants a church wedding. Full stop. They are at an impasse. Someone will give in and will be resentful. That they didn't get the wedding "they" wanted. The marriage is doomed but good to know before they end up divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

It’s her wedding just as much as her DH’s. What she wants should matter more than what DH’s family wants. If DH personally wants to marry in a church he can articulate the reasons to her. But “my family all got married in a church and mommy and daddy want me to marry in a church” is a pretty stupid reason for the couple to decide this.

The lesson is marry someone who wants what you want. Not force your desires onto someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she said it's not important to her

She also said she feels weird about it and is asking whether she should “give in.”

This reads to me like someone who is getting pressured to do something she doesn’t really want to and is trying to keep the peace with the in laws more so than someone who really doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

You're not very smart. And bad analogy. The her fiancé wants a church wedding. Full stop. They are at an impasse. Someone will give in and will be resentful. That they didn't get the wedding "they" wanted. The marriage is doomed but good to know before they end up divorced.

You (or whoever the PP was) equated stating that it’s her wedding with meaning no one else is involved. I was pointing out the stupidity in that particular logic (not the merits of this wedding itself).

If you walked into a bakery and said “I’d like to order a cake for my wedding day” and the baker said “YOUR wedding day? Are you marrying yourself? Is there no one else involved?” you would probably think wow, that baker is pretty stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

You're not very smart. And bad analogy. The her fiancé wants a church wedding. Full stop. They are at an impasse. Someone will give in and will be resentful. That they didn't get the wedding "they" wanted. The marriage is doomed but good to know before they end up divorced.

You (or whoever the PP was) equated stating that it’s her wedding with meaning no one else is involved. I was pointing out the stupidity in that particular logic (not the merits of this wedding itself).

If you walked into a bakery and said “I’d like to order a cake for my wedding day” and the baker said “YOUR wedding day? Are you marrying yourself? Is there no one else involved?” you would probably think wow, that baker is pretty stupid.

Just stop with the stupid analogies. A wedding is about more than just the party. It's about compatibility, values, and mutual respect. There is a red flag here that they aren't on the same page in several ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes Op, you should give in because it's not that important to you

It’s her wedding. Of course it’s important to her. She doesn’t like the idea of separate venues and wants to get married at the venue they have booked. She doesn’t want to lie to a priest about how she will raise her kids. She wouldn’t have posted here if this issue wasn’t important to her.

There is no reason religion should be considered more important than the desire to have a non-religious wedding.

Is it HER wedding? Nobody else involved?

Reading comp fail. We were discussing in particular what is important to OP. The PP said this isn’t important to her. I said of course it is, it’s her wedding. Most people care about their wedding. It’s a huge logical leap to go from “her wedding” = hers and hers alone.

If I say “I love my kids” that doesn’t mean I’m asserting that they are my kids alone and don’t have a father. But you’re twisting yourself in knots to follow that line of thinking.

You're not very smart. And bad analogy. The her fiancé wants a church wedding. Full stop. They are at an impasse. Someone will give in and will be resentful. That they didn't get the wedding "they" wanted. The marriage is doomed but good to know before they end up divorced.

You (or whoever the PP was) equated stating that it’s her wedding with meaning no one else is involved. I was pointing out the stupidity in that particular logic (not the merits of this wedding itself).

If you walked into a bakery and said “I’d like to order a cake for my wedding day” and the baker said “YOUR wedding day? Are you marrying yourself? Is there no one else involved?” you would probably think wow, that baker is pretty stupid.

Just stop with the stupid analogies. A wedding is about more than just the party. It's about compatibility, values, and mutual respect. There is a red flag here that they aren't on the same page in several ways.

Don’t make stupid comments if you don’t like analogies showing how stupid your comment is.

The absurdity of your comment that calling it “her wedding” is the same as being “hers alone” is unrelated to their lack of compatibility.