Fiancé wants a church wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know lots of people who wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. It will not be particularly easy if neither of you regularly attends. He will need to be a member of the church. You will need to take classes. And, if you want to get married in a church that is not the one he attends, you will need special permission. Unless his parents have a family priest that might make an exception somehow.

Just find a not well attended church that needs the $$$. Pretty simple. BTDT

Nonsense. That isn’t how it works. The level of money it takes to run a Catholic parish is such that if one was in poor enough condition that the pastor might even dream of accepting a bribe, the briber would need Rockefeller money.

And they’re not independent. Don’t things were that bad financially the bishop would either front the money or close the place and transfer the priest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know lots of people who wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. It will not be particularly easy if neither of you regularly attends. He will need to be a member of the church. You will need to take classes. And, if you want to get married in a church that is not the one he attends, you will need special permission. Unless his parents have a family priest that might make an exception somehow.

Just find a not well attended church that needs the $$$. Pretty simple. BTDT

Nonsense. That isn’t how it works. The level of money it takes to run a Catholic parish is such that if one was in poor enough condition that the pastor might even dream of accepting a bribe, the briber would need Rockefeller money.

And they’re not independent. Don’t things were that bad financially the bishop would either front the money or close the place and transfer the priest.

I did this in 2018. Please use your noggin. A church that is well attended will not be able to accommodate a wedding versus an non-well attended church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yeah I forgot that they take attendance when you go to church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think we have to get a special pass or something from a higher up and lie and say I’m catholic and will raise our kids catholic. It seems like a huge task for nothing.

You have no idea what you're talking about. A special pass? From who, the Pope? And lying? None of this is necessary. You sound completely ignorant. Talk to your husband and his family and find out the real deal.

As discussed above, the “special pass” is a “dispensation,” issued by the bishop, to waive an otherwise applicable procedural requirement. But they’re not automatic or available to cover every possible issue.

[Anonymous]

Ugh Catholic wedding ceremonies are soooo long and boring. And almost always only offered at some weird time so that you have to have a gap between the ceremony and reception. My DH was raised catholic and isn’t religious, and I’m so glad he didn’t give into pressure to make that happen. We had our ceremony and reception at the same venue in an easy to get to location (metro/uber/parking) near DC with access to DCA. Guests told us how great our wedding was because once they arrived at the hotel they didn’t need a car. Even our rehearsal dinner and after party stuff was walkable.

If Catholicism were a big part of your lives then I get prioritizing that. But I can’t imagine giving up on the vibe of the wedding I wanted and inconveniencing all my guests just because my DH wanted to please mommy and daddy (are they paying for it or something)?

Your DH should be planning a wedding around your (as in you 2) preferences. In laws can come and put on a happy face or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think we have to get a special pass or something from a higher up and lie and say I’m catholic and will raise our kids catholic. It seems like a huge task for nothing.

You have no idea what you're talking about. A special pass? From who, the Pope? And lying? None of this is necessary. You sound completely ignorant. Talk to your husband and his family and find out the real deal.

As discussed above, the “special pass” is a “dispensation,” issued by the bishop, to waive an otherwise applicable procedural requirement. But they’re not automatic or available to cover every possible issue.

Why would this couple need a "special pass" when people do this all the time? No lying required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think we have to get a special pass or something from a higher up and lie and say I’m catholic and will raise our kids catholic. It seems like a huge task for nothing.

You have no idea what you're talking about. A special pass? From who, the Pope? And lying? None of this is necessary. You sound completely ignorant. Talk to your husband and his family and find out the real deal.

As discussed above, the “special pass” is a “dispensation,” issued by the bishop, to waive an otherwise applicable procedural requirement. But they’re not automatic or available to cover every possible issue. [/quote

Lol you do not need a dispensation for this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know lots of people who wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. It will not be particularly easy if neither of you regularly attends. He will need to be a member of the church. You will need to take classes. And, if you want to get married in a church that is not the one he attends, you will need special permission. Unless his parents have a family priest that might make an exception somehow.

Just find a not well attended church that needs the $$$. Pretty simple. BTDT

Nonsense. That isn’t how it works. The level of money it takes to run a Catholic parish is such that if one was in poor enough condition that the pastor might even dream of accepting a bribe, the briber would need Rockefeller money.

And they’re not independent. Don’t things were that bad financially the bishop would either front the money or close the place and transfer the priest.

I did this in 2018. Please use your noggin. A church that is well attended will not be able to accommodate a wedding versus a non-well attended church.

You “did” what in 2018? Bribed a priest to simulate an invalid wedding?

The largest, best attended parishes manage to accommodate the matrimony of all their parishioners, as they are canonically obligated to do. A wedding takes what, 2 hours. They can do three or more a day if they have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh Catholic wedding ceremonies are soooo long and boring. And almost always only offered at some weird time so that you have to have a gap between the ceremony and reception. My DH was raised catholic and isn’t religious, and I’m so glad he didn’t give into pressure to make that happen. We had our ceremony and reception at the same venue in an easy to get to location (metro/uber/parking) near DC with access to DCA. Guests told us how great our wedding was because once they arrived at the hotel they didn’t need a car. Even our rehearsal dinner and after party stuff was walkable.

If Catholicism were a big part of your lives then I get prioritizing that. But I can’t imagine giving up on the vibe of the wedding I wanted and inconveniencing all my guests just because my DH wanted to please mommy and daddy (are they paying for it or something)?

Your DH should be planning a wedding around your (as in you 2) preferences. In laws can come and put on a happy face or not.

They are only "long and boring" if they have a full mass, you don't have to have the mass. Obviously it was important to the couple who invited you to their ceremony to have a mass. So much disinformation on this thread. Do you also say that all the Bar Mitzvahs you've attended are "long and boring" or any other religious ceremony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not religious and think it will be easier to get married at the same venue as our reception. Fiancé grew up catholic but isn’t a practicing catholic. His family and him think a church wedding is more appropriate, but I feel it’s weird to get married in a church when I’m not religious. I feel like it’s making a mockery of the religion. Should I give in because it’s not that important to me?

No I would have the wedding you want. They had their wedding now you have yours.

[Anonymous]

He's putting his families feelings above yours.

Not a good start for a marriage. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both don't need to be Catholic. One of you should be and also registered at the church or a church that his family is registered at. You can't just waltz into any church and demand a wedding ceremony. You will need to be registered parishioners, or use his family church, and complete the wedding prep (Pre-Cana), and just jump through all the hoops.

But your post is very off putting all about you, and what you want. You're supposed to be getting married, it's not all about you.

No. One of them must be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church.

Well, the fiancé is. But the point in this case is that the fiancé is Catholic enough to meet the criteria. But he is not practicing and might say he's not Catholic. But if he was raised Catholic he's been baptized, had his Communion and is confirmed. As far as the Church is concerned, he's Catholic.

Yeah I forgot that they take attendance when you go to church.

Being “Catholic” and “Catholic in good standing properly disposed to celebrate the Sacrament of Matrimony” are not necessarily the same thing.

The normal venue for a Catholic wedding is the residential parish of the Catholic party, or one of them. If the person is not familiar to the pastor, he will ask questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know lots of people who wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. It will not be particularly easy if neither of you regularly attends. He will need to be a member of the church. You will need to take classes. And, if you want to get married in a church that is not the one he attends, you will need special permission. Unless his parents have a family priest that might make an exception somehow.

Just find a not well attended church that needs the $$$. Pretty simple. BTDT

Nonsense. That isn’t how it works. The level of money it takes to run a Catholic parish is such that if one was in poor enough condition that the pastor might even dream of accepting a bribe, the briber would need Rockefeller money.

And they’re not independent. Don’t things were that bad financially the bishop would either front the money or close the place and transfer the priest.

I did this in 2018. Please use your noggin. A church that is well attended will not be able to accommodate a wedding versus a non-well attended church.

You “did” what in 2018? Bribed a priest to simulate an invalid wedding?

The largest, best attended parishes manage to accommodate the matrimony of all their parishioners, as they are canonically obligated to do. A wedding takes what, 2 hours. They can do three or more a day if they have to.

Got married in a Catholic church in DC that I did not regularly attend to a non-Christian. That is what I did. Believe it or not they do give in on these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not religious and think it will be easier to get married at the same venue as our reception. Fiancé grew up catholic but isn’t a practicing catholic. His family and him think a church wedding is more appropriate, but I feel it’s weird to get married in a church when I’m not religious. I feel like it’s making a mockery of the religion. Should I give in because it’s not that important to me?

No I would have the wedding you want. They had their wedding now you have yours.

I guess OP can marry herself then b/c the title is "Fiance wants a church wedding" and last I checked a wedding is between two people. The two people involved here do not agree.