Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here:

Please, PLEASE, could people answer the questions I originally posted? I'm asking because this information is very important to me. I'm in a difficult situation and am curious where other people in similar situations ended up.

I would appreciate it if people would only post from here on out if answering those questions, rather than going off on tangents.

Thank you.

Yes, please, NP here. It would be helpful to see straight up answers to OP's question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here:

Please, PLEASE, could people answer the questions I originally posted? I'm asking because this information is very important to me. I'm in a difficult situation and am curious where other people in similar situations ended up.

I would appreciate it if people would only post from here on out if answering those questions, rather than going off on tangents.

Thank you.

Unfortunately I don’t think you are going to get useful answers because this is so case-specific.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have to get a lawyer. DCUM loves to offer bad/contradictory advice and frankly aren’t that nice. Just consult with an attorney on I get the information you need.

[Anonymous]

NP here. How do you go about identifying a good lawyer? I know that sounds like an easy thing to do, but this isn't something everyone can discuss with friends, esp if most friends are tied to spouse. Google reviews? Those don't always seem genuine.

[Anonymous]

Which of DC, MD or VA is more favorable to SAHM, or are they all the same basically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which of DC, MD or VA is more favorable to SAHM, or are they all the same basically?

MD has the highest child support.

[Anonymous]

Virginia I’m sure is the worst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Virginia I’m sure is the worst

Worst for spousal or CS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Virginia I’m sure is the worst

Worst for spousal or CS?

It just caters to a lower economic earning level. All payments are likely smaller.

[Anonymous]

Although people are telling the posters here to consult a lawyer, I think the posters are simply looking for examples of real-life experiences from those who have gone through it. Would be helpful if those who have can just share where they came out in relation to guideline.

[Anonymous]

A friend of a friend in VA--someone didn't get much alimony because the SAHM was a licensed attorney. Judge told her to get busy billing hours. So your earning potential matters, and can be fought over by lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing?

Exactly. Once the child is in school what's the purpose of a woman staying home all day? To cook and clean? I don't get it, it just sounds like pure laziness to me. It's all good until the husband leaves or wants a divorce and then they complain about not having a career. Smh.

I've written this before and been shouted at here. I've been a single dad for nearly a decade. Daily cooking and cleaning with teenagers around is at most 90 minutes a day, probably less. Might have to catch up a bit on the weekend with some laundry or vacuuming. No maid or cook in my home, or grocery delivery or lawn service.

There is no way. What do you kids do? Just eat the same food and clothes? Do they do sports or other activities with uniforms? Do you order food already packaged? Laundry alone takes me about 60 minutes a day. Maybe it's not just me, but it takes 60 minutes of actual work. Gathering the clothes, running the wash, running the dryer, folding, and putting away. 60 minutes easily 1 load. Meals another 45 minutes between food prep serving, and cleaning up. Plus time to eat and shop.

Different PP single dad. No way in hell does laundry take 60 minutes a day. Are you standing there watching the clothes tumble in the dryer like Rain Man or something? Each bedroom has a laundry basket, you take it to the washing machine and put them in, that's a couple of minutes tops. Less than a minute to put them in the dryer. Then five minutes to put them away (if it's a teenager they should do this not you). I don't even run a laundry load every day, two kids and I don't generate that many dirty clothes. And yes both my kids do sports.

I cook meals for everyone and that might take 15 minutes per meal.

Do vacuuming and dusting and yard work on the weekends.

This is not an "8 hour a day full-time job".

If you spend 15 minutes on a meal, you’re not a great cook. Sure, you can feed people, but it’s not going to be unimpressive.
If you’re a sahm, kids are there ALL day- which means, you don’t just vacuum and clean on weekends (or you’re a slob).
It’s never 5 minutes to fold and put away for a family of 4. I’ve timed it many times. More like 45 minutes just for 4. Teens can do it themselves, but most women are not sahm of just 2 teens- and if they are, they’ve put in years of pregnancy and childcare while you were bolstering your career.

But most sahm I know don’t spend most of their time on household chores. They are reading to kids, tutoring, chauffeuring to multiple activities, teaching children to cook/clean/garden, enforcing rules, TALKING (emotionally supporting) the children, taking them to playgrounds and play dates, doing all errands -grocery store 1 and 2, dry cleaners, car maintenance, dentist apps, doctor apps, etc.

My impression of men who aren’t impressed with their sahm? THEY are disconnected and lazy fathers.

Uh, you don’t need to cook an “impressive” meal for kids. I don’t cook “impressive” for myself. I cook nutritious meals using fresh meat and veggies. That is both necessary and sufficient.

Putting away a load of clothes from the dryer takes me five minutes. If it takes you 45 minutes, you’re not at all impressive at putting away clothes.

I do all that other stuff as well. As I said, not an 8 hour full time job.

Please upload video of you folding and then putting away in multiple locations in the house a full load of laundry in under 5 minutes. Or maybe you have one of those tiny under the counter washers?

Y'all really need to teach your children to put away their own laundry and contribute to the overall upkeep of the home. Especially the boys. Otherwise you're just raising more dudes who can't function without a SAH spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing?

Exactly. Once the child is in school what's the purpose of a woman staying home all day? To cook and clean? I don't get it, it just sounds like pure laziness to me. It's all good until the husband leaves or wants a divorce and then they complain about not having a career. Smh.

I've written this before and been shouted at here. I've been a single dad for nearly a decade. Daily cooking and cleaning with teenagers around is at most 90 minutes a day, probably less. Might have to catch up a bit on the weekend with some laundry or vacuuming. No maid or cook in my home, or grocery delivery or lawn service.

There is no way. What do you kids do? Just eat the same food and clothes? Do they do sports or other activities with uniforms? Do you order food already packaged? Laundry alone takes me about 60 minutes a day. Maybe it's not just me, but it takes 60 minutes of actual work. Gathering the clothes, running the wash, running the dryer, folding, and putting away. 60 minutes easily 1 load. Meals another 45 minutes between food prep serving, and cleaning up. Plus time to eat and shop.

Different PP single dad. No way in hell does laundry take 60 minutes a day. Are you standing there watching the clothes tumble in the dryer like Rain Man or something? Each bedroom has a laundry basket, you take it to the washing machine and put them in, that's a couple of minutes tops. Less than a minute to put them in the dryer. Then five minutes to put them away (if it's a teenager they should do this not you). I don't even run a laundry load every day, two kids and I don't generate that many dirty clothes. And yes both my kids do sports.

I cook meals for everyone and that might take 15 minutes per meal.

Do vacuuming and dusting and yard work on the weekends.

This is not an "8 hour a day full-time job".

If you spend 15 minutes on a meal, you’re not a great cook. Sure, you can feed people, but it’s not going to be unimpressive.
If you’re a sahm, kids are there ALL day- which means, you don’t just vacuum and clean on weekends (or you’re a slob).
It’s never 5 minutes to fold and put away for a family of 4. I’ve timed it many times. More like 45 minutes just for 4. Teens can do it themselves, but most women are not sahm of just 2 teens- and if they are, they’ve put in years of pregnancy and childcare while you were bolstering your career.

But most sahm I know don’t spend most of their time on household chores. They are reading to kids, tutoring, chauffeuring to multiple activities, teaching children to cook/clean/garden, enforcing rules, TALKING (emotionally supporting) the children, taking them to playgrounds and play dates, doing all errands -grocery store 1 and 2, dry cleaners, car maintenance, dentist apps, doctor apps, etc.

My impression of men who aren’t impressed with their sahm? THEY are disconnected and lazy fathers.

Uh, you don’t need to cook an “impressive” meal for kids. I don’t cook “impressive” for myself. I cook nutritious meals using fresh meat and veggies. That is both necessary and sufficient.

Putting away a load of clothes from the dryer takes me five minutes. If it takes you 45 minutes, you’re not at all impressive at putting away clothes.

I do all that other stuff as well. As I said, not an 8 hour full time job.

Please upload video of you folding and then putting away in multiple locations in the house a full load of laundry in under 5 minutes. Or maybe you have one of those tiny under the counter washers?

Y'all really need to teach your children to put away their own laundry and contribute to the overall upkeep of the home. Especially the boys. Otherwise you're just raising more dudes who can't function without a SAH spouse.

No. At their mother's house they live under a reign of terror. At my house they can relax and not worry about laundry or where their next meal is coming from.

Which reminds me--it's strange that people who stress so much about how hard house work is also have such filthy homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

Yikes at this thread. Never give up your job to stay home, ladies! You need to look out for number one.

Well, the problem is, the SAHM role does not get enough respect. Think of the myriad jobs a SAHM does and consider all the people you hire to replace what a SAHM does. I sometimes feel as though the feminist movement eliminated SAHM as a choice for women in that the concept of alimony seems to have gone away. IMO this role should be a viable option for a man or a woman and it should be protected under the law. A woman or man dosesn't stay home with the kids without the consent of the other partner. That was a choice that partner also made, and the consequences of one partner out of the workforce should not be a burden only that one person has to bear.

People always say this. How you you say it with a straight face, when SAHMs get alimony, while WOHMs (who statistically do many of the things SAHMs do, while also working) get nothing?

Exactly. Once the child is in school what's the purpose of a woman staying home all day? To cook and clean? I don't get it, it just sounds like pure laziness to me. It's all good until the husband leaves or wants a divorce and then they complain about not having a career. Smh.

I've written this before and been shouted at here. I've been a single dad for nearly a decade. Daily cooking and cleaning with teenagers around is at most 90 minutes a day, probably less. Might have to catch up a bit on the weekend with some laundry or vacuuming. No maid or cook in my home, or grocery delivery or lawn service.

There is no way. What do you kids do? Just eat the same food and clothes? Do they do sports or other activities with uniforms? Do you order food already packaged? Laundry alone takes me about 60 minutes a day. Maybe it's not just me, but it takes 60 minutes of actual work. Gathering the clothes, running the wash, running the dryer, folding, and putting away. 60 minutes easily 1 load. Meals another 45 minutes between food prep serving, and cleaning up. Plus time to eat and shop.

Different PP single dad. No way in hell does laundry take 60 minutes a day. Are you standing there watching the clothes tumble in the dryer like Rain Man or something? Each bedroom has a laundry basket, you take it to the washing machine and put them in, that's a couple of minutes tops. Less than a minute to put them in the dryer. Then five minutes to put them away (if it's a teenager they should do this not you). I don't even run a laundry load every day, two kids and I don't generate that many dirty clothes. And yes both my kids do sports.

I cook meals for everyone and that might take 15 minutes per meal.

Do vacuuming and dusting and yard work on the weekends.

This is not an "8 hour a day full-time job".

If you spend 15 minutes on a meal, you’re not a great cook. Sure, you can feed people, but it’s not going to be unimpressive.
If you’re a sahm, kids are there ALL day- which means, you don’t just vacuum and clean on weekends (or you’re a slob).
It’s never 5 minutes to fold and put away for a family of 4. I’ve timed it many times. More like 45 minutes just for 4. Teens can do it themselves, but most women are not sahm of just 2 teens- and if they are, they’ve put in years of pregnancy and childcare while you were bolstering your career.

But most sahm I know don’t spend most of their time on household chores. They are reading to kids, tutoring, chauffeuring to multiple activities, teaching children to cook/clean/garden, enforcing rules, TALKING (emotionally supporting) the children, taking them to playgrounds and play dates, doing all errands -grocery store 1 and 2, dry cleaners, car maintenance, dentist apps, doctor apps, etc.

My impression of men who aren’t impressed with their sahm? THEY are disconnected and lazy fathers.

Uh, you don’t need to cook an “impressive” meal for kids. I don’t cook “impressive” for myself. I cook nutritious meals using fresh meat and veggies. That is both necessary and sufficient.

Putting away a load of clothes from the dryer takes me five minutes. If it takes you 45 minutes, you’re not at all impressive at putting away clothes.

I do all that other stuff as well. As I said, not an 8 hour full time job.

Please upload video of you folding and then putting away in multiple locations in the house a full load of laundry in under 5 minutes. Or maybe you have one of those tiny under the counter washers?

Y'all really need to teach your children to put away their own laundry and contribute to the overall upkeep of the home. Especially the boys. Otherwise you're just raising more dudes who can't function without a SAH spouse.

No. At their mother's house they live under a reign of terror. At my house they can relax and not worry about laundry or where their next meal is coming from.

Which reminds me--it's strange that people who stress so much about how hard house work is also have such filthy homes.

reign of terror = cleaning up after oneself

good job raising the kind of men their mother divorced, BZ bro

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which of DC, MD or VA is more favorable to SAHM, or are they all the same basically?

I just ran the VA and MD child support calculators for a 50/50 custody situation and the MD recommended amount was 60% larger than the VA amount.