How many people really care about us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. I really only care about my immediate family and sister.

+1

Only my parents visit. And we go visit others in the family but they rarely reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

NP. Was there a time in your life you felt cared for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I wouldn't expect most family members to even care about me being in town, but to me my aunt and uncle were on the level of my grandparents I adored and who passed away long ago. I saw them as part of my inner circle of "people who truly, really care forever". So that's why it hurts. It's like the circle is getting smaller. And to people who say they shouldn't drop everything, I 100% understand that, but this is literally a very small trip change, leaving one day early from a long trip. It's something I'd do if I cared about someone.

Is it possible they don’t know how to relate to young/small kids? Perhaps there’s some anxiety there…I’m thinking about some of my older relatives.

[Anonymous]

We’re born alone and we die alone.

[Anonymous]

How many people do you really care about? Should be about the same number as those who care about you. Ask yourself if you'd really inconvenience yourself for your aunt?

In general we receive as much as we give, even though sometimes it may feel like we give a lot more. Just an act of giving is rewarding in itself. Try it.

[Anonymous]

People care so much. They will surprise you. Sorry about Aunt & Uncle but perhaps it is a very special trip. If they were there, they would be there life will surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Op, how old are you? You seem a bit whiny and immature. Your aunt and uncle have their own lives and don't owe you a day early leave from their vacation. Also, your children are their great nieces/nephews making them distant relatives and lower priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re born alone and we die alone.

We're born with our mom. If we're lucky, we die with our children and spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.

Was there any hint of what was to come with your sister prior to the pandemic? Total estrangement is severe. I imagine it didn’t come out of the blue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the adult now. It's your turn to taken are of your beloved aunt. Or become a beloved aunt.

This.
And you are making a mountain out of a molehill. They care about you but are in a much needed and planned for (I bet) vacation. Doesn’t mean they love you any less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're sad about your aunt's message. I get it. That said, you're the one who moved away. Why must your aunt and uncle alter their vacation to suit your timeline?

They don't have to. It does tell me something about how they feel, as in one more day out of a month-vacation is more important to them than seeing us and especially my kids they see once a year tops. If it were a trip by plane, like firm booked hotel/flight plans, it'd be totally different for me because obviously their schedule doesn't revolve around ours and what's booked is booked. In this case it'd be very easy to just drive home a day early.

You don’t know that. They’d likely be paying for the last night that they don’t use. Maybe they have plans scheduled for the end of the trip and do want to miss that activity. Your reaction to them may be why they don’t want to go out of their way for you as well.

[Anonymous]

Why are your friendships fleeting? I have friends from when I was a child as well as friends I’ve picked up along the way. None of those relationships have been fleeting, instead they’re life-long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

i wondered about the pandemic factor as well. but after few more years that can't be an excuse anymore right?

I think the first 4/5 months of the pandemic caused a permanent shift in some people and relationships. It was a trigger even that made some people change how they interact with others, and no amount of time will lead them to go back to how they were before. They have moved on from the pandemic but they will not "return to normal" -- this is their normal.

My sister cut her parents and siblings out of her life during the pandemic, and my mom kept waiting for her to come back around but it will not happen. She's gone.

Meanwhile, those early days of the pandemic solidified my friendships with a small number of people in a way that going through something very stressful and traumatic can.

These are permanent shifts.

Great post and very accurate regarding shifts. I wish I could better grasp what happened to us, but "shift" is the best way of conceptualizing it. My daughter is gone, too and I would be surprised if she returned. Covid did something mental to a lot of people.