How many people really care about us?

[Anonymous]

Do you ever feel like not that many people care about you? I have been feeling sad about it lately. I already felt like friendships were fleeting generally, but now I feel like family doesn't matter that much either. My in-laws don't bother to ever come to our kids' stuff, and now we're going to see my family abroad, and my aunt and uncle will be on long term vacation (a driving trip and rental house) and could see us if they came back just one day early from it, but they won't. It really feels like it's just me, dh, the kids and my parents and nobody else truly cares. Before people flame I realize there are MUCH worse issues in life, but I just got that text from my aunt this am and it just made me sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're sad about your aunt's message. I get it. That said, you're the one who moved away. Why must your aunt and uncle alter their vacation to suit your timeline?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same. I really only care about my immediate family and sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're sad about your aunt's message. I get it. That said, you're the one who moved away. Why must your aunt and uncle alter their vacation to suit your timeline?

They don't have to. It does tell me something about how they feel, as in one more day out of a month-vacation is more important to them than seeing us and especially my kids they see once a year tops. If it were a trip by plane, like firm booked hotel/flight plans, it'd be totally different for me because obviously their schedule doesn't revolve around ours and what's booked is booked. In this case it'd be very easy to just drive home a day early.

[Anonymous]

This way lies madness, OP.

Time to build more emotional and psychological self-sufficiency.

[Anonymous]

So, you have at least FIVE people who care about you and don't feel like that's enough? You need to appreciate and focus on what you have, and make sure you're making others feel cared about.

If I died a few people would have an attitude of "Oh, well that's too bad," and that'd be it. The only person who would cry is my 4 yr old nephew.

[Anonymous]

It's hard when the people who thought cared about turned out to have not. Especially when it's family. But I went through this with certain friendships too. It's so hard. Especially if you genuinely care for them and were supporting them in ways that it turns out they were unwilling to return. It's sad.

But also, you get through those times stronger. As you realize this, you will shift your energy towards more reciprocal relationships and start to feel better. Realizing my siblings and ILs and a couple former friends don't really care about me was upsetting, but it opened the door for me to deepen my relationships with people who DO care -- one of my husband's aunts with whom I've developed a genuinely loving and caring relationship, for instance. She is who I gravitate towards when we are with his family, and it's an unexpected friendship but all the more meaningful because it was not forced. Several close, longtime friends whose friendship I might have taken for granted in another time in my life. My spouse, my kids. I am lucky to have these people. That there are others I thought would be among this group and aren't is just a fact of life. You move on.

[Anonymous]

That sounds about average OP. Would you say you grew up receiving a lot of attention from those around you?

It could be your adjustment to how things typically are in families.

I come from a household where it wasn’t a drop everything to see aunt Becky because she’s only in town two days and we would go years without having a an aunt or uncle come to visit. It was no less sad or upsetting because as I aged, I realize that some families are simply not see each other every week or every day types. I have never had the family dinners on Sundays, type of family environment and I’ve realized that’s ok too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you have at least FIVE people who care about you and don't feel like that's enough? You need to appreciate and focus on what you have, and make sure you're making others feel cared about.

If I died a few people would have an attitude of "Oh, well that's too bad," and that'd be it. The only person who would cry is my 4 yr old nephew.

I wrote an obituary for my step grandmother, who died when I was a child, twenty years later. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're sad about your aunt's message. I get it. That said, you're the one who moved away. Why must your aunt and uncle alter their vacation to suit your timeline?

They don't have to. It does tell me something about how they feel, as in one more day out of a month-vacation is more important to them than seeing us and especially my kids they see once a year tops. If it were a trip by plane, like firm booked hotel/flight plans, it'd be totally different for me because obviously their schedule doesn't revolve around ours and what's booked is booked. In this case it'd be very easy to just drive home a day early.

I hate to be blunt but I certainly don’t feel extra connected to my cousins children or my Aunts. If they have recitals or birthday parties, that’s wonderful but I do not feel a need to see them or be included in their day to day lives. I certainly would not come back a day early to see them if they said they were in town. It’s great that you would OP but that’s exceedingly rare in my experience.

To put it into perspective, how do you feel about your relatives kids? I’m sure there are relatives you feel closer to than others. But would you do the same for a relative?

[Anonymous]

I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

[Anonymous]

You guys are all awful. I get it, OP. When I was growing up we were close with aunts, uncles, cousins and my family went out of their way to support each other. Now I live far away from family (not my choice), but if someone was coming into town I would try to see them if I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

[Anonymous]

My parents care about me. That's it, but they're fantastic and I feel really lucky.
I don't know how I'm going to cope when they're gone.