Spouse tell parents everything about our life

[Anonymous]

I come from a family where even though there was a lot of love my parents weren't always in my business. My spouse is the opposite and it is quite annoying. Her parents find out about things before we've web fully discussed and before I'm generally ready to start talking about the to other people. I feel weird bringing it up because I do like my inlaws and I lime her close relationship with them but it's just very annoying.

[Anonymous]

I happen to think that inlaws should stay out of the marriage all together, but this has to be agreed upon by both the husband and the wife. If your wife is doing something that bothers you, there is a way to tell her without causing a fight. Just sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel, using a lot of "I" statements and no "you" statements. Tell her that you are saying this because you treasure your relationship and want it to remain open and honest. Then, you will have to listen to how she feels about it too, without interrupting. I am all for communication. One of the reasons our divorce rate is so high, is because couples do not communicate their needs to one another in a healthy, loving way. Good luck!
L

[Anonymous]

Spouses should prioritize each other and present a united front at all times, otherwise it undermines the marriage. By divulging subjects you have not yet fully discussed or agreed on, it shows she has not understood that cardinal law.

[Anonymous]

You def need to talk to your spouse. I'm the wife adn I tell my dad tons, either w/ DH permission or w/ dad in confidence. I honestly didn't know it bothered DH until he said something. Made me realize that some of the stuff I told my dad, I would totally hate DH to tell my MIL. DH told me kindly, calmly and w/ examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouses should prioritize each other and present a united front at all times, otherwise it undermines the marriage. By divulging subjects you have not yet fully discussed or agreed on, it shows she has not understood that cardinal law.

But yet, when I posted about a similar problem with my DH (he tells his best friend everything), I was told that this was healthy for him and I was being unreasonable. If his wife's best friend is her mother, does that change anything? Just curious b/c I was surprise by the lack of support I received when I complained about the same thing

[Anonymous]

I went through this with another family member. Funny, it's usually the oppressive/abusive/attempt to be controlling one. Don't let this happen to you. Just say no. DH need to grow up and cut the cord. Family member needs to find another hobby than your DH. Do whatever you can. What seems extreme now will seem overdue later OP. I wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

i think it normal to be close to someone, normally a parent, and want to share things about your life. the dude needs to grow a pair, get more confident, and not worry about what his wife tells her mom. part of the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouses should prioritize each other and present a united front at all times, otherwise it undermines the marriage. By divulging subjects you have not yet fully discussed or agreed on, it shows she has not understood that cardinal law.

But yet, when I posted about a similar problem with my DH (he tells his best friend everything), I was told that this was healthy for him and I was being unreasonable. If his wife's best friend is her mother, does that change anything? Just curious b/c I was surprise by the lack of support I received when I complained about the same thing

I think it's different. A best friend is a peer relationship. The main concern there is privacy. Parents are not your peers; they are your parents, and there's always a little bit of pressure there to live up to what they want. With a husband who blabs to his best friend, the frustration is that you may not want this relative stranger to know intimate things about your relationship, but hey, you never really see the person anyway, and DH needs a chance to vent to peers. With a spouse talking about decisions that are still in flux with parents, I think there's much more of a concern that the parent's opinions will start intruding on the private discussion between partners.

[Anonymous]

I used to know someone who called her mother a minimum of five times a day and told her everything, and I mean, everything. I know this because she tried to tell me everything, I told her I had no to hear, and she had no right to tell me, about her DH's and his bedroom shenanigans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouses should prioritize each other and present a united front at all times, otherwise it undermines the marriage. By divulging subjects you have not yet fully discussed or agreed on, it shows she has not understood that cardinal law.

But yet, when I posted about a similar problem with my DH (he tells his best friend everything), I was told that this was healthy for him and I was being unreasonable. If his wife's best friend is her mother, does that change anything? Just curious b/c I was surprise by the lack of support I received when I complained about the same thing

I think it's different. A best friend is a peer relationship. The main concern there is privacy. Parents are not your peers; they are your parents, and there's always a little bit of pressure there to live up to what they want. With a husband who blabs to his best friend, the frustration is that you may not want this relative stranger to know intimate things about your relationship, but hey, you never really see the person anyway, and DH needs a chance to vent to peers. With a spouse talking about decisions that are still in flux with parents, I think there's much more of a concern that the parent's opinions will start intruding on the private discussion between partners.

Yes, I agree with this. They are not analogous situations. Parents are inherently different than friends.

OP: You need to talk with your spouse about how you feel. Don't blame her or accuse her of doing anything wrong. Just tell her how you feel and share any specific ideas you may have about how she can behave differently in order to help you feel more comfortable. My guess is she will need help navigating when and where to draw the line in sharing things with her parents, so be specific in helping her figure out where that line is.

Above all else, talk with her. Tell her how you feel and why. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouses should prioritize each other and present a united front at all times, otherwise it undermines the marriage. By divulging subjects you have not yet fully discussed or agreed on, it shows she has not understood that cardinal law.

But yet, when I posted about a similar problem with my DH (he tells his best friend everything), I was told that this was healthy for him and I was being unreasonable. If his wife's best friend is her mother, does that change anything? Just curious b/c I was surprise by the lack of support I received when I complained about the same thing

I think it's different. A best friend is a peer relationship. The main concern there is privacy. Parents are not your peers; they are your parents, and there's always a little bit of pressure there to live up to what they want. With a husband who blabs to his best friend, the frustration is that you may not want this relative stranger to know intimate things about your relationship, but hey, you never really see the person anyway, and DH needs a chance to vent to peers. With a spouse talking about decisions that are still in flux with parents, I think there's much more of a concern that the parent's opinions will start intruding on the private discussion between partners.

Not true, though. We spend time with his best friend and his wife (who probably hears it all, too) frequently. DH has shared many personal things about me: mental health issues, medications, etc. He talks w/ his best friend like they are in HS about sex and how it is and what happened. Ugh. And then we go out to dinner with them? I don't even LIKE his best friend and think he is completely untrustworthy. I have no doubt that once he tells his best friend, ALL of their friends hear about anything juicy. Its humiliating and really is stifling our intimacy. DH, of course, thinks his best friend walks on water. Seriously looks up to him. So his best friends opinion about an evolving situations can swing things dramatically and thus intrude on our private discussions (although I feel like we don't really have any private discussions, since DH tells best friend EVERYTHING.

[Anonymous]

DW was raised to be a blabber mouth and isn't going to change. Hard to believe OP didn't know this before the wedding.