Daughter’s Marriage
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Our daughter just graduated from college two weeks ago and told us right away she will be getting married this summer. We’re still on the hook as far as covering her rent, utilities, car payment, car insurance, and other small expenses until August 1st. Tuition is done and we fully covered her college expenses except for the last semester (owes about 10k in college loans). She plans on eloping at the courthouse sometime within next month and wants to have the actual wedding next summer. She is interviewing, has one job offer, but waiting for another job offer to come through to start working in August/September. She did ask us for 10/12k towards her wedding already to be provided as soon as possible. We tried to talk to her about staying engaged for a year and getting married next summer. Reason being, she needs to be gainfully employed and cover her own wedding cost with us helping pay a fraction of 10k; covering some of the wedding expenses directly (paying the actual bill) instead of just giving lump sum. She does not plan on inviting us to the courthouse when she elopes, but of course everyone will be at the actual wedding next summer. We still have two other kids at home in middle school. What strategy would you use to talk some sense into her? |
Anonymous
|
I think you're being unreasonable.
-She should cover her expenses once married. -why would you pay wedding expenses but not give money as a lump sum? Is there a difference? Money is fungible, so you're splitting hairs. You need to decide how much money you want to give all of your children for their weddings. What you give to #1 will need to be the same as what you give to the other two (indexed for inflation since one of your kids is so much younger). And then give her that amount in a lump sum. When I was engaged, my parents sat us down, handed us a check and then I planned my wedding. That's what happened with friends as well and what we'll do with our own children. |
Anonymous
| Time to let go of those strings. This is her life. She can choose to live however she wants. You can decide how much you want to contribute. |
Anonymous
|
I see what you mean, but I don't think you can talk her out of it. But, certainly voice your concerns. I would be concerned, too.
Just give her the money and say that this is all you can afford to give, and that there will not be anymore because you still have other kids you have to pay for. |
Anonymous
Only fair if all 3 kids are getting the same. 10k that she asked for seems very nominal. |
Anonymous
| Say "no" to the money. Tell her why you would discourage her immediate wedding. Then let her do what she is going to do. |
Anonymous
|
I would figure out what's a reasonable amount that you can give to each child and tell her that. I wouldn't have an issue with a lump sum, but the timing needs to work for you, not $10 k ASAP. It's reasonable to say this was not an expense we have bugldgeted for and need to figure out how much and when we can pay.
I wouldn't try to change the timing of the elopement/ wedding. If you would like to be invited to the courthouse, I think it's OK to say that one time (and that the grooms parents might like to attend) but tell her you'll be fine either way. |
Anonymous
This kind of mind control game is bound to result in not a good relationship going forward. |
Anonymous
You're not invited to her wedding so don't give anything! |
Anonymous
It's truly mind blowing how many shitty parents are on this board. I'm sure most of you will be shocked when your children go no contact one day. |
Anonymous
| Call me confused. Does she need the $10-12,000 for the courthouse wedding or the reception next summer? |
Anonymous
| If you give money now it will be long gone before the reception next summer. I’d offer to pay a vendor directly for that but I wouldn’t pay $10K so my kid could go to the courthouse and not even invite me. |
Anonymous
| Who owns the car? |
Anonymous
How is that at all relevant to DD getting married? |
Anonymous
|
What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.
You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do. |