Mom Cliques. I had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

No. they share their stories and perceptions (which are inherently biased) and people respond based on their understanding. People routinely lie about details of their experience specifically to retain anonymity (like I think it's unlikely OP lives in Loudon county, had this experience at a winery, or knows these women in the precise way she described, because if true that would make it highly likely one of them might see this thread and know she wrote it -- I assume most details like that have been changed), with the intention to discuss the underlying theme or issue and get feedback or conversation. That is why it's dumb to demand specific details or get bogged down in stuff like the location of the event or exactly how OP knows these people. It's HIGHLY likely she didn't share actual facts on those points.

The part that is likely true is that she saw a group of women she knows from a specific setting out together, it was awkward, and she felt left out. That's really the only thing relevant to the situation because the rest is probably made up.

But we have a bunch of wanna-be Murder She Wrotes on this thread thinking they are gonna crack the case and prove OP is a jerk liar. It's delusional. OP's name is Larla McLarlerson, she lives on Larler Drive and her kids attend Larla Academy. Just like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t witnessed any Mom cliques at wineries or restaurants because I don’t go to those places by myself to even witness them. So I don’t have a Mom clique story.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

It's clearly you who misunderstands and hates. Look in the mirror.

OMG do you guys read what you are writing before you hit send?

OMG yes quit trying to shame people for doing what you're doing. It's ridiculous.

The "misunderstands" is fine, but the "hates". Really?

Call it "shame" if you want, but sometimes people need to be called out to take a moment and think about it.

Sorry the post trying to get women to hate on other women was a flop. OP was rightfully called out in it.

I don't think this thread was about hating on other women, it was about sharing experiences with feeling excluded from a group.

The amount of hate direct at OP on this thread was a multitude more than the frankly minor judgment she issued about these women she knows getting together without her.

OP said "Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM."

You don't think that had a negative connotation? She didn't say, "has anyone else been hurt by a situation like this" or a million other things that wouldn't have come across as nasty?

OMG, WHO CARES. OP didn't use the precise wording you would have used? You didn't like her emoji? She was flippant when you think this is a very serious conversation? Again, who cares?

I personally do not think "share your favorite mom clique story" is nasty or even that negative. I think it's trying to make light of a situation that is common (feeling left out of a group of women, whatever the reason) to make it more manageable. I actually think it's a healthy attitude to have about what OP experienced, because it's like "oh yeah, sometimes friend groups between women can be a bit insular and it feels bad to be left out, but also I bet I'm not the first or last person to feel this way, let's share stories and that will probably take the sting out a bit."

It's not like she came on her with a list of names to announce that XYZ women in Loudon County are jerks. She was just processing her own hurt in what I think is a reasonable way.

I still don't understand why this made some of you SO angry with her. The response was insane. Even if you think the thread is dumb or think she overreacted, I just can't imagine spending 40 pages determined to rip her to shreds for it. What is the point?

I think people are just arguing with each other. There is one prolific watch dog poster who is incensed that anyone interpreted the snarky OP differently than she did and she's been posting about it for about 40 pages. If you actually read what's being posted its mostly a conversation between other posters, not about OP. If people could just accept people have different takes instead of telling them how to think or that there is only one correct way this would be a lot shorter. We get it some of you relate to being excluded, but other people are put off by OP's language and responded accordingly and don't want to play her game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great mom clique story. Gather round.

When my DD was in 1st grade, she moved to a new school. This is in DC, where school starts at PK, so by 1st, there are a lot of established family relationships at school. This was also a neighborhood school, and we got in out of bounds via lottery, so were "outsiders."

There was a pretty tight clique of women on the PTA. Normally I would avoid something like that, but the core five women all had kids in my child's grade, including three who had daughters in my child's class. Of course my DD became friends with their DDs. So I was going to be interacting with them no matter what.

I sucked it up, joined the PTA, and decided to kill them with kindness. I volunteered for things, was always friendly. They made it as hard as possible. Or, some of them did. One of them was actually nice and welcoming. But two were absolute jerks. One simply refused to learn my name or my kid's name for that whole first year. This was someone we saw DAILY and our kids were friends. Another one was not that extreme, but would just look right through me all the time, or would come up while I was talking to another parent and start a conversation with them with her back turned to me. Just major rudeness. The message was clear -- you are not one of us.

Then towards the end of that first year, they were doing the annual fundraising auction for the school. They were putting out requests for people to get local businesses to donate to the auction. Well, since none of these women had bothered to get to know me at all, they didn't know that I sit on the board of a local business association and have a ton of contacts with local restaurants and retailers, including some pretty big, popular names. I was able to put together about 20 auction packages to very popular local businesses in like three days, worth close to 20k. These wound up being some of the hottest items at the auction, and the event wound up raising over twice what it had raised the year before.

Suddenly all those women were my best friends. Or thought they were. For my DD's sake, I played nice but always kept them at arms length. We did playdates and I continued to help out with the PTA, volunteer for classroom stuff, etc. But I didn't socialize with them beyond small talk at school stuff, and when they started inviting me to moms nights out and other social events (things I'd mysteriously never been invited to before) I politely declined. They also tried to get me to run for an open role on the PTA, and I politely turned that down too -- I was happy to help out the school as a volunteer but I wanted to maintain the ability to no participate in things.

It all turned out fine in the end. My DD did not maintain friendships with those girls past elementary, largely because we lived in a different neighborhood and then DD went to a different middle school. It was easier to navigate the school once the ice broke with that group. But I never forgot that first year and how unpleasant most of those women were towards me, nor how quickly they changed their tune when they realized I was connected and could be useful to them.

You catty rich witches seem made for each other.

Wow what a bitter, spiteful woman you are. I hope your kid turned out different. Gotta let things go ladies. Everyone is doing their own thing and has a lot going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

It's clearly you who misunderstands and hates. Look in the mirror.

OMG do you guys read what you are writing before you hit send?

OMG yes quit trying to shame people for doing what you're doing. It's ridiculous.

The "misunderstands" is fine, but the "hates". Really?

Call it "shame" if you want, but sometimes people need to be called out to take a moment and think about it.

Sorry the post trying to get women to hate on other women was a flop. OP was rightfully called out in it.

I don't think this thread was about hating on other women, it was about sharing experiences with feeling excluded from a group.

The amount of hate direct at OP on this thread was a multitude more than the frankly minor judgment she issued about these women she knows getting together without her.

OP said "Share your favorite mom clique story DCUM."

You don't think that had a negative connotation? She didn't say, "has anyone else been hurt by a situation like this" or a million other things that wouldn't have come across as nasty?

OMG, WHO CARES. OP didn't use the precise wording you would have used? You didn't like her emoji? She was flippant when you think this is a very serious conversation? Again, who cares?

I personally do not think "share your favorite mom clique story" is nasty or even that negative. I think it's trying to make light of a situation that is common (feeling left out of a group of women, whatever the reason) to make it more manageable. I actually think it's a healthy attitude to have about what OP experienced, because it's like "oh yeah, sometimes friend groups between women can be a bit insular and it feels bad to be left out, but also I bet I'm not the first or last person to feel this way, let's share stories and that will probably take the sting out a bit."

It's not like she came on her with a list of names to announce that XYZ women in Loudon County are jerks. She was just processing her own hurt in what I think is a reasonable way.

I still don't understand why this made some of you SO angry with her. The response was insane. Even if you think the thread is dumb or think she overreacted, I just can't imagine spending 40 pages determined to rip her to shreds for it. What is the point?

+1 exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

Because this thread has lit a fire with a bunch of misogynistic posters.

Show me a nearly 50 page thread breaking down the social rules of when men are allowed to get together in groups, who they should invite (lest they be considered a clique), judging them for their chosen daytime activities and/or employment status … I’ll wait.

The fact is many women have been raised to be people pleasers, and the constantly think of others, and are twisting themselves into pretzels as to why OP was wronged or her feelings are valid.

Sorry, but if I go on a group outing I in no way feel socially required to include others who aren’t invited (not talking about a small core group and leaving 1 person out or rudely talking about an event in front of someone not invited). I have a lot friends, multiple friend groups, get a lot of invites, and am a nice outgoing person. But I’m going to live my life and make plans without taking all my other friends’ feelings into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is wild. Who cares who’s getting together, when and how often? If the same 15 moms want to meet at a Winery every Friday, awesome. So what if you weren’t invited. There are lots of things you aren’t invited to, there are many things these women aren’t individually invited to. OP is an adult and I’m assuming has friends beyond the 15 women there. If she is wanting to socialize, she should text some friends and plan something. What these women did/do is their own prerogative

15 bus stop moms is not a small number, so I see why OP seems hurt at not being invited, since it seems like everyone else from that bus stop was invited. And it seems like she thought she was closer friends with them than is actually the case.

So it’s understandable she is seeking similar exclusion stories to take away the sting.

Of course we all know we are not entitled to be invited to everything, and I don’t think OP is saying this. This post is more about it hurting when you thought the relationship was more than it was.

+1, this is how I read it. I've even been on the other side of this (in the "clique" and knowing someone who wants to be invited was not) and I'm not offended by what OP says. It's a tricky situation and I can see why it feels bad.

These are not 15 bus stop moms. 2 of the 15 are at her bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

+2

Is it the same PP who keeps insisting that inferences are no longer allowed on DCUM? So weird!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Likewise people don't need to be told what OP likely meant or really meant, by people doing the same thing. You don't need to browbeat people into submission to accept THE truth, as you see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Okay well just like you believe OP’s story rings true, I do not believe her based on the lack of supportive facts and overreactive text message (nearly everyone agrees on the latter part). My personal take is that someone who sends that type of message is an over-reactor based on subjective feelings and not a reliable narrator of objective facts.

We’ll just have to disagree. Such is the nature of discussion boards. Because I have a different take doesn’t mean I’m treating it like a court of law. I’m just interpreting the same post in a different way as are many others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Okay well just like you believe OP’s story rings true, I do not believe her based on the lack of supportive facts and overreactive text message (nearly everyone agrees on the latter part). My personal take is that someone who sends that type of message is an over-reactor based on subjective feelings and not a reliable narrator of objective facts.

We’ll just have to disagree. Such is the nature of discussion boards. Because I have a different take doesn’t mean I’m treating it like a court of law. I’m just interpreting the same post in a different way as are many others.

I agree with you that it's fine if we disagree. I don't have a problem with that.

What I think is weird is people saying "show me the evidence! I want evidence!" What? You either identify/believe OP or you don't. If you don't, I don't even understand why you'd hang around on the thread.

There is zero point in arguing over what "really" happened because we'll never know. So you can either engage with it at face value (okay, assuming this is what happened, here's my take) or you can decide it's bunk and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

OP provided zero evidence that these women purposefully excluded her. None. If it had been there, don't you think she would have included it in her posts?

This is not court, you aren't a prosecutor. No one ever provides "evidence" of any interpersonal reaction on this website, it's anonymous and who has the time.

OP *felt* excluded. That's the subject of the thread. Sure, she might have misinterpreted the situation, always possible. But the idea that it's her job to prove to you that her feelings accurately reflected what happened is silly, because she could never do so.

She saw a big group of women from her kids' school, including a few people she considers close friends, and she felt excluded. The end. There is no point in litigating that. If you want to say "I think you probably misinterpreted this situation and are overreacting" that's fine. But demanding evidence to prove that her perception of the situation is correct? It's hostile and misguided. I hate it when people do this in threads because it just bogs them down in "I don't believe OP, OP is a sociopath, OP is a troll" and nothing fruitful is discussed. If you don't believe an OP, just... don't respond to the thread. It's that easy.

Um, yes, people provide "evidence" of things on here all the time. It's called giving people the facts. It wouldn't have taken that long for OP to do that. She spent the time posting emojis, using all bold type, and hitting at least one additional button for all the punctuation she used. Explaining what exactly had happened would have taken less time.

Everyone who said OP was misinterpreting the situation and overreacted was called names. So that's how that worked out.

+1

She asserts that the others “felt awkward” but how the heck does she know how others are feeling?

If she said shared that she went over to say hi and they ignored her or were short with her or gave her a nasty look and walked away she’d have a point. But why not share if that is what happened vs a vague assertion that she knows what is in the mind of other people. I think she was projecting her feelings onto them most likely.

The number of you who seem to think this is a court of law and you've been asked to come and assess the validity of OP's feelings is amazing.

I tend to believe that OP was excluded in some way and the other women looked awkward, specifically because she didn't provide an airtight story with perfect facts that would prove to you once and for all that this women definitely excluded her. Her story rings true to me because she's not trying to present it in this perfect way that will satisfy a bunch of people who are determined to say she had no right to feel the way she did.

Does that mean the other women are terrible? No! I've been in the group that left someone out before. I am not a terrible person and in most cases I either didn't know someone had been left out or I felt there was a good reason for doing it. But also -- I bet it didn't feel good for those women.

You can believe OP that it was awkward and that she felt bad without needing to call in the National Guard to investigate exactly what happened here.

Okay well just like you believe OP’s story rings true, I do not believe her based on the lack of supportive facts and overreactive text message (nearly everyone agrees on the latter part). My personal take is that someone who sends that type of message is an over-reactor based on subjective feelings and not a reliable narrator of objective facts.

We’ll just have to disagree. Such is the nature of discussion boards. Because I have a different take doesn’t mean I’m treating it like a court of law. I’m just interpreting the same post in a different way as are many others.

I agree with you that it's fine if we disagree. I don't have a problem with that.

What I think is weird is people saying "show me the evidence! I want evidence!" What? You either identify/believe OP or you don't. If you don't, I don't even understand why you'd hang around on the thread.

There is zero point in arguing over what "really" happened because we'll never know. So you can either engage with it at face value (okay, assuming this is what happened, here's my take) or you can decide it's bunk and move on.

I don't understand why you care so much whether people believe what an anonymous poster posted. And then make rules of engagement. Some believe her, some don't. You can easily move on from trying to lecture people who don't, yet you won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was sharing her experience and how it made her feel. She wasn’t asking for your analysis of the situation but looking to see if others have had similar experiences. Some of you are so self absorbed and didn’t even read, understand, or care to, what the poster was looking to discuss. So why engage? To show anonymously your viscous selves and then smile to women you don’t like tomorrow at school pick up?

OP was asking for nasty, judgmental stories about women that people barely know so she could laugh at them and call them names. So sorry most people didn't comply.

Or she was asking for points of comparison so she can understand if she is the only one experiencing being excluded. But go on, continue to misunderstand and hate. That will surely be something your kids pick up from you.

+1

Running into several school mom acquaintances during the day, while on a work event planning meeting, is not “being excluded”

It might be and it might not. It really depends on the circumstances.

The real problem on this thread is that people on both sides are making assumptions about OPs situation that may or may not be true and then laying down a firm edict like yours above that allows for no other possibility.

My guess is that most moms on this thread are not horrible people who purposefully exclude in real life. And many of us have been on both sides of this scenario. But for some reason on this thread, people are coming down hard and being quite belligerent. it's bizarre really.

Because this thread has lit a fire with a bunch of misogynistic posters.

Show me a nearly 50 page thread breaking down the social rules of when men are allowed to get together in groups, who they should invite (lest they be considered a clique), judging them for their chosen daytime activities and/or employment status … I’ll wait.

The fact is many women have been raised to be people pleasers, and the constantly think of others, and are twisting themselves into pretzels as to why OP was wronged or her feelings are valid.

Sorry, but if I go on a group outing I in no way feel socially required to include others who aren’t invited (not talking about a small core group and leaving 1 person out or rudely talking about an event in front of someone not invited). I have a lot friends, multiple friend groups, get a lot of invites, and am a nice outgoing person. But I’m going to live my life and make plans without taking all my other friends’ feelings into consideration.

But you're not going to go to the bathroom without me, right? Otherwise, I will make a thread about how you slighted our deepest bonds bestie #12