DP. We are Catholic, have 5 kids, and know many families with similar numbers of children. Of course these parents competently care for their children. They might not cook elaborate meals or exercise every day or have perfectly decorated homes or be self actualized or any of the other things that DCUM believes parents should be doing. But they care for their children and maintain their homes. Their lives are just very child centric. All big decisions (home, career, etc) are done with the children in mind. |
Our neighbors have 5 kids under the age of 10 and the amount of neglect we've seen is insane. A 10 year old should not be in charge of younger children. Also they keep trying to pawn a kid or two off on us when their other children have activities. "Oh, Larla and Carla have soccer games at the exact same time, but Darla has one 45 minutes later. Can you watch her until her friend's family comes to pick her up in half an hour? Thanks!" |
Yes. I’m Catholic and am pretty familiar with this concept. People use NFP if they don’t want children, and it isn’t uncommon even for married people to practice continence for periods of time either. There are also a lot of people who are not called into marriage. It’s different than living a secular life where you don’t really have a place in your community if you don’t get married and have children (although that’s changing). |
You live in a conservative catholic bubble where child neglect is the standard of care. (Carney is up front about it: the older kids take care of the younger kids and do a lot of housework.) Meanwhile the vast majority of catholics use BC and have 1-3 kids. |
I will say, as a Catholic, this is one of the reasons that Catholics should be overly accepting and accommodating of gay people in our communities. You need to have people in your community who are not breeders! |
Is there ever a time that you see an older child playing with a younger child that you don’t consider it neglect or abuse? |
DP. Philosophically I don’t care how many people anyone “thinks” other people should have. It’s a personal decision. I do disagree with the rampant posts on dcum against parents who choose to have more than 2 kids. These posters arrogantly think that because they could only provide their definition of ideal attention and resources to two kids, therefore nobody else can handle more than 2 kids. I’m one of the previous posters who has 2 kids but grew up as 1 of 4. I had a great childhood and we were all high achieving students and are now successful adults with our own families. It depends on family resources and parental dedication. It’s a function of parents and socioeconomic factors more than number of kids. I’m not talking about families of 11 children. I’m talking about normal mid size and entry level larger families. |
It's not abuse, but it can be suboptimal care in many cases. I have orthodox Catholic neighbors with 5+ kids who both WOHM and no nanny and it's like Lord of the Flies at their house. Their youngest two kids are constantly roaming the neighborhood when their older siblings are watching them looking to be cared for by other SAHPs or nannies of other kids. |
I’m one of six and we are reasonably close as adults. But there is no question there was some neglect and as adults we have all had to grapple with that. I know very few kids raised in large families who chose that path themselves, including none of my siblings. |
Okay. You live by Greek Orthodox Catholics with two moms who both work outside the home. And the children of these lesbian Catholics aren’t playing with other kids in the neighborhood, they are just looking for random adults to care for them. Thank you for sharing. This is definitely an unusual family! |
I’m a daycare, they split the kids up by age groups, so it’s easier to manage 8 preschoolers than it would to manage several kids of different ages. And this Tim Carney should try going through even 1 pregnancy and childbirth before he prescribes how many children a woman should have. |
My bad--they have 2 WOHP, not WOHMs. But yes they are unusual in that they're looking for random adults to care for them. It gets discussed at every neighborhood block party. Half the families complain that kid x and kid y are always at their house. Those younger kids are never at their own home and parents don't seem to notice. |
NFP is a) not reliable and b) not supposed to be used to limit family size based on the woman’s preference not to be pregant/have another baby. |
Reading comprehension fail. They are not Greek orthodox, they are orthodox Catholics. PP used the term "neighbors "as well as the term "who both WOHM." Plural. Two heterosexual couples. Not a lesbian couple. Maybe that Catholic school education hasn't served you so well. |
I could absolutely do it. I don’t think it is very hard to stay home with kids and I am very involved. 4 older kids would be much harder because they have activities and need to be in different places at different times. That would require me to outsource some of it. Regardless, this guy is bonkers and no one should be bragging that their child is parentified like some in this discussion. |