Check on Son?

[Anonymous]

Just venmo him some cash and tell him to grab a good dinner with a friend to spend an hour of time relaxing and that you're there for him. But I wouldn't just up and show up. He needs you to be a rock.

[Anonymous]

I woudk buy him a nice dinner via Uber eats or something and then ask him if he wants the distraction of you coming to visit. If he is in finals, he may very well not. I’m hoping that he’ll be home soon and all will settle down for the summer.

[Anonymous]

I would offer to come just to take him out to dinner, but let him choose. And reassure him that you’d be happy to do the driving just for a quick meal. Swooping in for a visit without him wanting it suggests that his emotional expression was problematically concerning. It might make him feel like he needs to elaborate and talk about it more when whatever he shared on the phone might be all that he’s got the capacity to discuss right now.

All in all, I think it’s a good thing that he was vulnerable with you. I don’t know your kid but personally I think the task for you is to accompany him from afar and model handling the discomfort and distress. My kid is not driving distance from home and when he’s had stressful times, he knows I’ve been very happy to send him DoorDash. It’s a caretaking gesture that he appreciates and I enjoy doing once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just got a call from son in college. He has never really communicated his feelings but broke down to me on the phone. He is stressed about school and other issues. At one point he hung up because he was so emotional and I panicked when he didn't pick up the first time I called him back. He calmed down a bit when we ended our call but I am sick with worry because this is so out of character. Is it a bad idea to go check on him? He is within a couple hours drive.

Just go. No questions. He might be stressed out from finals or WHATEVER it is, does not matter. You need to be there for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who say you shouldn’t overreact. You want him to feel he can share his feelings with you without you going overboard. Unless this is a real crisis, you can support him best by keeping cool.

+1! If you rush up there without asking him, he won’t confide in you again because of your overreaction and the trouble he put you through. Make sure he knows you are available to listen, send him dinner, encourage him to talk to a campus counselor, RA or friends and let him know you think he is competent to weather this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:annnnd it's mommy to the rescue!

Let the kid grow up.

If he had called you from the front lines of Afghanistan would you have gotten on a plane?

This! What's wrong with these kids. Neighbors son is 19 and is a marine in the middle east. That is stress, not college finals.

[Anonymous]

Look kids falter and have mental breaks with stress whether it is in the military or school. I have a family member who sees this in law students. We have seen this in the news. Ask your kid how you can help. Maybe needs to vent on the phone. I like the idea of sending food vouchers. Let them know they can likely take an incomplete in a class (es), look up the schools policies. Seek out mental health center on campus. Look up policies for taking an incomplete. Help them think through options. Let them know they will be okay and you will support them.

[Anonymous]

You know your kid. We certainly don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:annnnd it's mommy to the rescue!

Let the kid grow up.

If he had called you from the front lines of Afghanistan would you have gotten on a plane?

This! What's wrong with these kids. Neighbors son is 19 and is a marine in the middle east. That is stress, not college finals.

If there is one thing Marines are known for, it's never being crippled by trauma! Our young men being destroyed by annunciating government the ideal outcome of parenting!

Idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:annnnd it's mommy to the rescue!

Let the kid grow up.

If he had called you from the front lines of Afghanistan would you have gotten on a plane?

This! What's wrong with these kids. Neighbors son is 19 and is a marine in the middle east. That is stress, not college finals.

Chicken hawk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those who say you shouldn’t overreact. You want him to feel he can share his feelings with you without you going overboard. Unless this is a real crisis, you can support him best by keeping cool.

Agree with this. I would not have wanted my own overprotective parents showing up unannounced. But they were a few hours away and would sometimes just meet me for lunch and it was a wonderful thing (even planned a few days ahead).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go, no question. Even just to take him to dinner.

This^. 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:annnnd it's mommy to the rescue!

Let the kid grow up.

If he had called you from the front lines of Afghanistan would you have gotten on a plane?

This! What's wrong with these kids. Neighbors son is 19 and is a marine in the middle east. That is stress, not college finals.

If there is one thing Marines are known for, it's never being crippled by trauma! Our young men being destroyed by annunciating government the ideal outcome of parenting!

Idiots.

As the family member of one of the many former marines permanently disabled by PTSD, I can’t tell what you are trying to say or who you are calling an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I would go and let him know when I'm an hour away. Only then. But that's me. It would be worth it to me if he only had time to receive a a hug. I would fib and say I was passing through. But I have the time to create something else to do.

[Anonymous]

From the kids point of view is it easier to have long dinner with mom while skipping valuable study or sleep time? Order food sure, but is a parents dinner a good or bad distraction?