Doing the M: DS vs. DD?

[Anonymous]

This is inspired by the other "Doing the M" thread. I perceived some gender bias in that thread.

I'm a 40yo mom of one 13yo DD. I personally grew up with very religious parents and was shamed after being caught masturbating and this forever impacted my sex life. I decided to take a different path with our daughter: she's known current terms, including for the clitoris, since she was able to start asking such questions. And if she was ever observed doing intimate self-stimulation, she was kindly asked to resume the activity in private. Now she knows better and just goes to her room, closes the door, and does what she does. It's none of my business. But I know she hasn't been shamed at all for her sexuality.

I guess I just wonder to what extent the moms here may have a double standard in regards to their DS or DD:

Did you have the talk, especially about masturbation, with one gender and not the other?
Is masturbation in any way more admissible, either consciously or unconsciously, for your DS and not your DD?
Do you worry more about your DD's bedroom door being closed all the time and not DS?
Does your DD feel she can masturbate without shame?
Does your DD feel she can masturbate without shame as frequently as she wants?

[Anonymous]

You have spent too much time thinking about this.

[Anonymous]

My policy is universal - whatever you want to do is fine, but do it in your bedroom or bathroom. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My policy is universal - whatever you want to do is fine, but do it in your bedroom or bathroom. The end.

Same. Although at the beginning we definitely mention that it is an ok and normal thing to do. Same with the hormones they are feeling and how they cause changes to their body. I know DH talked some more with DS about it since there is a bit more clean up involved.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine having "a talk" about masturbation. It's not something that one explains to children other than to tell them it's done in private when you see them doing it in public. It's not something you provide instruction or background in. They don't need "the facts of life" on masturbation. They either explore their bodies or they don't. There's no double standard that I know of other than the fact that males tend to (on average) masturbate more than female adolescents.

[Anonymous]

Only thing I'm concerned about is porn. DD and DS probably masturbate, I don't know and don't care, but I have made it very clear that sex and porn are very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have spent too much time thinking about this.

I don't think so.

OP, your DD will probably grow up to have a healthier, happier sex life than most women.

[Anonymous]

Please be a grown up and just say masturbation.

[Anonymous]

Do people really say "Doing the Masturbation"? Is that a term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really say "Doing the Masturbation"? Is that a term?

Lol. I hope not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having "a talk" about masturbation. It's not something that one explains to children other than to tell them it's done in private when you see them doing it in public. It's not something you provide instruction or background in. They don't need "the facts of life" on masturbation. They either explore their bodies or they don't. There's no double standard that I know of other than the fact that males tend to (on average) masturbate more than female adolescents.

And does this belief in this double standard cause you to voice specific comments to your daughter? "Wow, your bedroom door is always closed." - "Mom! But so is my brother's but you never say that to him!" In this sense, she walks away with more guilt feeling that her door shouldn't be closed but it's okay if her brother's door is closed.

And btw I think your double standard is wrong. I masturbated at least once daily if not twice from like 12-18. In the summer months at home it was closer to 3-4x a day. The problem is that girls are simply ashamed or embarrassed to admit their frequency. And I think this is sad that they feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have spent too much time thinking about this.

I don't think so.

OP, your DD will probably grow up to have a healthier, happier sex life than most women.

+1- Exactly. If you don't spend time thinking about this (especially with a tween/teen daughter) you won't talk about it -and that sends the message that there is something wrong with it. I'm guessing that original PP hasn't thought about it enough.

My mother NEVER talked about it. Ever. I had to figure everything (and I do mean everything) out on my own. Fortunately I turned out okay but I decided to take the opposite approach with my (now 8) DD. We use accurate terms for body parts, we gave her "It's Not the Stork" when she was six and began asking specific questions. It's an ongoing conversation. When children have more information they can (but don't always) make better decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do people really say "Doing the Masturbation"? Is that a term?

Lol. I hope not!

Sounds like a dance. . . Didn't Billy Idol have a song about this?

[Anonymous]

I have a ds of 10 and a dd of 12, I have just gone over this with ds as he is now getting near puberty and the book I got for him has a section explaining masturbation but I don't think he has started doing it yet but he knows it's ok to do. For dd, again we went over it together when she was 9 as it was in her puberty book also. I do know that she does it as a couple of times she got a bit too loud in her activity.

[Anonymous]

I guess the subject is just too taboo for anyone to answer the questions?