Is my expectation unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

My husband went back to work 2.5 weeks ago, after taking 1 month off for pat leave. Since his return to work, he has ceased parenting at night. His explanation is that he needs his 8 hours to be rested for work, and that I’m home with the baby. He does do his fair share of parenting, but I still feel like he should be getting up at least once a night. Our baby is still waking up every 2.5-3 hours to eat. I’m exhausted and starting to feel bitter. Am I being unreasonable with this expectation?

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby? Are you bottle feeding?

[Anonymous]

You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

[Anonymous]

He needs to do Friday and Saturday nights then, since he doesn't have work Saturday and Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

Yeah, this worked for us. I would go to bed at 8, he would stay up with baby watching tv til 12:30, then wheel the bassinet into my room before sleeping the rest of the night in guest room. It gives each person some sleep. Adjust the times depending on when he needs to be up.

I think it works better than the stand-off in the night about who will get up with the baby.

[Anonymous]

And you are both resentful because you are both tired and you each imagine the other has it easier. But it is just hard!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your baby? Are you bottle feeding?

OP here. He just turned 7 weeks today! He is mostly breastfeed but gets 2 supplementation bottles of pumped milk in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

This is we did it, I went to bed at 8pm and got up at 2:30 once and then 5:30 for the day; he went to bed at midnight after an 11:30pm feed and got up around 6:30. We both worked though and I nursed or fed pumped breast
I’ll exclusively. In my case, I’m a morning person and I can fall back asleep really easily so it wasn’t an issue to wake up once, while he is a night owl and was totally fine with the 11:30pm bottle feed. If you’re miserable than the system you have in place isn’t working and needs to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.

OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.

[Anonymous]

Can you hire a night nurse for a couple nights per week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

[Anonymous]

And no workouts unless it’s at lunch , that’s unreasonable right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

This is we did it, I went to bed at 8pm and got up at 2:30 once and then 5:30 for the day; he went to bed at midnight after an 11:30pm feed and got up around 6:30. We both worked though and I nursed or fed pumped breast
I’ll exclusively. In my case, I’m a morning person and I can fall back asleep really easily so it wasn’t an issue to wake up once, while he is a night owl and was totally fine with the 11:30pm bottle feed. If you’re miserable than the system you have in place isn’t working and needs to change.

OP here. My 7 week old is up way more than once a night. I wish it was just one night feeding.

Unfortunately I can’t go to sleep that early, and I don’t go to sleep right away.