Other parents know longer keep in touch once your child leaves an activity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it shouldn't matter ... but is there any way your move to a different studio meant you weren't satisfied with the first one? Or you were moving to something better, more prestigious or at a higher level? If they think -you think- you found something better, they don't feel as close to you anymore.

Yes! My daughter was on a competitive team at the first one and had been for years, but wasn’t progressing. She was stuck on one team for years and then was moved down in teams (placed with 8-9 year olds). She was bored and unhappy so I had to find something that was a better fit. The moms know this and were even supportive at the time when I first said I was considering the move.

Yeah, this is definitely a you problem. The studio made an assessment and made placements and you were that mom. Dumb, dumb, dumb, rookie dance mom mistake. It's you. Make new friends and move on with a clean slate.

So it’s a mistake on my part for moving my daughter out of a studio that moved her backwards? I should mention the director told me she only put her there because “she didn’t have anywhere else to put her”. Why would I continue to spend thousands there when there’s no progress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You left them.

Also, you were likely incredibly foolish to change schools. There is a studio hopper stigma for very good reason. You are probably the problem

So changing one time after seven years makes me a studio hopper? Interesting…

[Anonymous]

Also want to add, how does making a decision that’s best for my child mean that other moms have to cut off all communication? Especially if it doesn’t affect their life in anyway. If this is how some of you operate, I’m glad we’re not friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sadly it is normal in my experience. I made many mom friends over the years and even when I believed our relationship would survive long-term even if our kids went in different directions, it never did. First there were the baby playgroups, then the preschool parents, then the parents on countless teams. I really tried but by MS reality set in that the other parents are friends for that season of life. It’s made me very hesitant to invest socially beyond pleasantries anymore.

Yes I've learned not to invest too much into friendships here because it's such a transitional area (DMV)

Is it really just a Dc thing though? I'm a 2nd gen immigrant and have family here and all over th world and its a pretty common observation about America :

"In america everyone is friendly but noone is your friend"- thats from the older generation

" Americans be fake as f---k"- teh younger more profane generation and ppl sho both were born here and are Americans themselves belive this as well as people for other parts of the world.
I think the way our society is set up is very individualistic and people dont generally have deep individual connections b.c it runs contrary to the 'getting ahead" mentality. People in America are social climbers and ambitious and always looking to improve their situation so socializing is done to cement and support those ambitions, not just for pleasure or enjoyment unless you are in a really hopeless segment of society. I find this way of being rather sad but it also seems accurate.

[Anonymous]

This is common with friendships that are based on shared activities where people come together due to common circumstances. This happens in work environments, too. When people change jobs, the friendship often fades. I'm not saying it's impossible to building lasting friendships from these circumstances, but I think what OP is experiencing is the norm. I don't think this is necessarily intentional or about you, OP. People don't necessarily make socializing or friendships a priority because daily life is pretty demanding. Parenting can seem like an endless to-do list, and often people are just trying to keep their heads above water.

I don't think situational friendships are necessarily bad, even if they are just temporary. Parents often spend their evenings and weekends at their kids' activities. If you are going to be at your kid's dance competitions every weekend, it makes it a little more enjoyable to share laughs or have some camaraderie with other parents in the same situation.

[Anonymous]

They want to talk about studio crap. You get it, all that insider stuff about bad teachers, upcoming performances, how awful the costumes are, the schedule for next year, carpools, etc. You have no interest in or anything to add to these conversations anymore. Why would you want to participate?

Getting the kids together, if they are friends- yes! Do that. But do you want to spend your night out talking about the minutiae of Dance Club Awesome (that you no longer have anything to do with)? No…& those moms know it. It’s all good. Let them go, embrace your new pace, & if your kids want to meet up outside the studio, support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of sight out of mind.

This is all it is. You are “friends” with people whose kids know yours as a matter of convenience and need. They’re not true friends. When you move or switch schools or dance studio or change activities, that need is no longer there so the “relationship” ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is common with friendships that are based on shared activities where people come together due to common circumstances. This happens in work environments, too. When people change jobs, the friendship often fades. I'm not saying it's impossible to building lasting friendships from these circumstances, but I think what OP is experiencing is the norm. I don't think this is necessarily intentional or about you, OP. People don't necessarily make socializing or friendships a priority because daily life is pretty demanding. Parenting can seem like an endless to-do list, and often people are just trying to keep their heads above water.

I don't think situational friendships are necessarily bad, even if they are just temporary. Parents often spend their evenings and weekends at their kids' activities. If you are going to be at your kid's dance competitions every weekend, it makes it a little more enjoyable to share laughs or have some camaraderie with other parents in the same situation.

Exactly so about comparing it to friends you make at jobs. Think of how many people you’ve worked with in the past but no longer do that you’d get together with now and have anything to talk about if you did. A situational camaraderie doesn’t translate to a real and deep lifelong friendship . That’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I no longer invest any energy into making friends during kids activities or schools because they don't last. I'd rather use the free time for myself rather than engaging in useless banter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also want to add, how does making a decision that’s best for my child mean that other moms have to cut off all communication? Especially if it doesn’t affect their life in anyway. If this is how some of you operate, I’m glad we’re not friends.

You sound combative and argumentative. You were on the outs with the studio and its leadership - they don't want to end up in the same position and/or they didn't need the drama. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also want to add, how does making a decision that’s best for my child mean that other moms have to cut off all communication? Especially if it doesn’t affect their life in anyway. If this is how some of you operate, I’m glad we’re not friends.

You sound combative and argumentative. You were on the outs with the studio and its leadership - they don't want to end up in the same position and/or they didn't need the drama. Time to move on.

NP- Maybe the other moms don't want the studio leadership to find out they still hang out with someone on the outs? Could they all be walking on eggshells hoping their kids don't get put in a bad class due to the whims of management? All the little crumbs OP dropped make it sound like an unpleasant studio to send a kid.

[Anonymous]

So it’s a mistake on my part for moving my daughter out of a studio that moved her backwards? I should mention the director told me she only put her there because “she didn’t have anywhere else to put her”. Why would I continue to spend thousands there when there’s no progress?

You did what's best for your Daughter (probably) re: the sport. The activity. But hat doesn't mean it's best for your friendships, your Mom friendships or best for your daughter's friendships. You give something a priority, choose that, and that's how you make decisions.

[Anonymous]

You did what's best for your Daughter (probably) re: the sport. The activity. But hat doesn't mean it's best for your friendships, your Mom friendships or best for your daughter's friendships. You give something a priority, choose that, and that's how you make decisions.

[Anonymous]

This is adulthood. It's hard and feels like a rejection but it's not. Families are busy and most parents are doing their best to get through the week. Most adult friendships do rely on some consistent, common reason that you see one another in person. If this no longer exists, it's a much bigger effort. And perhaps there is a component of awkwardness with you leaving the studio which just adds another layer of difficulty. It is what it is.

Move on and invest in the community at your new studio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also want to add, how does making a decision that’s best for my child mean that other moms have to cut off all communication? Especially if it doesn’t affect their life in anyway. If this is how some of you operate, I’m glad we’re not friends.

You sound combative and argumentative. You were on the outs with the studio and its leadership - they don't want to end up in the same position and/or they didn't need the drama. Time to move on.

NP- Maybe the other moms don't want the studio leadership to find out they still hang out with someone on the outs? Could they all be walking on eggshells hoping their kids don't get put in a bad class due to the whims of management? All the little crumbs OP dropped make it sound like an unpleasant studio to send a kid.

+1