Overwhelmed by calls from elderly parents
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Anonymous
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My parents, early 80s, live in a far-out, sort of secluded country area. They refuse to move. They also hardly leave the house anymore. I’m an only child. I live a drivable distance for weekend visits, but nowhere near “close”. My parents are lonely and isolated, have no friends, and like I said, I’m an only child and they refuse to move. They are fine living on their own, the issue I have is, they want to talk on the phone CONSTANTLY. It’s becoming very overwhelming for me. I wish I was exaggerating but the times I’ve gotten the nerve to ignore the calls, assuming they were just to chat, have been the times they’ve had an emergency (first, my dad was being rushed to the hospital. Second, a car accident. Third, a time I could have prevented them being scammed out of money as they were calling for advice.) Now I just always answer. Picking a scheduled time has never worked, because invariably someone has something going on that prevents the call; sometimes it’s me, sometimes them. So instead my mom calls randomly through the day, and I know it’s because they are lonely.
I have to do something but I don’t know what. I spoke with them around 7pm last night and when my mom just called, I rolled my eyes before I answered and was short during the call. I can’t keep doing this. But what can I do? |
Anonymous
| Do they qualify for a home health care aide for a few hours a day? They're asking for help. It's hard I know OP, but either you outsource the problem or they will keep calling because they're at the age where they need help. |
Anonymous
| Troll |
Anonymous
They probably do, but they refuse any outside help. They aren’t asking for help, though, that’s the thing. They are calling to gossip about the news or things in their town. To tell me what’s for dinner. That sort of thing. They are able to take care of things around their house. They are just isolated and lonely but refuse to do anything about it. |
Anonymous
Then don't answer their calls. But I sincerely doubt that an isolated couple in their 80s who refuse to leave their home are as independent and healthy as you make them seem. |
Anonymous
There are posts on DCUM about whether it's too much trouble to continue in a job for 9 months for $3mn payout and you think THIS ONE is a troll post? |
Anonymous
What do you want us to tell you? |
Anonymous
Other threads have nothing to do with this one. You’re saying only a $3mm thread can be the only troll thread. Okay, you. |
Anonymous
| Teach them to text. Especially during an emergency. Tell them - sometimes I can’t answer right away but I can always read a text. |
Anonymous
+1 You're mentioning an incident of your dad being rushed to a hospital and one of the parents getting into a car accident. How are they getting their food and supplies if they barely leave the house and have issues driving? Definitely sounds like someone should be checking in to help them at least weekly. |
Anonymous
| I’m with you, OP. My parents, especially my mother, call me constantly these days. Nine times out of ten the calls are about random things that I don’t need to know (“we planted the marigolds today” or “tomorrow we’re ushering at church”). I think their world has grown much smaller as friends and family have died or moved and now small things seem more important and they have fewer people with whom to exchange daily pleasantries. I’ve stopped picking up every call and instead just immediately check the voice mail in case it’s an emergency. I know it’s only going to get worse so I’m trying to carve out a little space until the time comes when I won’t have the option to space out the calls. |