Ruminating

[Anonymous]

I am prone to depression, and have had about 2 major episodes (although I remained somewhat functional and could do what I needed to do for my children). I have been doing pretty well for the last 2-3 years with a combo of meds, exercise, no alcohol and some mental strategies.

On Friday, there was an upsetting incident at work that left me feeling very down. I have been ruminating ever since about the incident, which worries me, because rumination is often the first sign that a depressive episode may begin. I'm trying to sort out if I am overreacting to the incident or if I am upset because I was bullied and put down by my boss and I didn't advocate for myself. If it is the latter, I'm thinking I may feel better if I address it professionally on Monday.

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Maybe post more details (here or in Jobs forum) so folks can help you think through what happened?

But also, ruminating and depression feed off each other. Even if you are 100% not overreacting, ruminating about it can affect your mood, and then, as you know, your mood affects how much you ruminate. Have you learned strategies to help you stop ruminating?

[Anonymous]

I have this same problem. Ruminating goes hand in hand with depression. Highly recommend ssri

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I don’t want to give too many details, but my DH, who is very level headed, agrees that it basically bullying, but since this person really for the most
part is a good guy who occasionally gets a little hot-headed, I should just let it go. He did say if it happens again I should address it. However, I just keep replaying it in my head, and it is definitely affecting my mood. I am on meds.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a therapist?

Would CBT techniques help you control your thoughts?

You obviously have some maladaptive habits/loops. I am the same. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Atomoxetine really helps me with this. I have ADHD, and it is prescribed as a non-stimulant ADHD med, but it is an SNRI. It dampens my emotional response (still can feel it but it is not so overwhelming, so I can employ regulation strategies) and I don't get so sucked into rumination.

[Anonymous]

Go to a movie, go outside go to a trampoline park. Go outside and dance. Get a pedicure with a friend. Call your mom or a good friend and talk about totally unrelated stuff. Read firefly lane. Go for a long walk with a friend and don’t talk about it. Sit down and write cards to people you love “just because”

I’m a constant ruminator, prone to depression/anxiety and have adhd. Like you I don’t drink sleep well exercise and am now on meds. Like you I still have breakthrough episodes. For me I need to inturrupt the loop. I’m a physical person so physical things help me, as does walking and talking- gets me out of my head. Yoga does same. But you may be different.

Most importsntly , I’d encourage you to simply change your language around it. You’ve now spoken your fear: that it’s the beginning of an episode. But most people would be upset and might ruminate on such an incident. I’d try to meditate on the idea that you’re so lucky! You noticed your ruminating: that’s the first step! This can just be what it is: don’t give your body any fear that you’re heading to a downward spiral. Inside give yourself a hug for being so in touch with your emotions and for using healthy mechanisms like reaching out in this post to ask for help! I think you’re doing awesome. May this pass lightly. Just allow it to happen, trust yourself or god if you’re a believer- trust that the universe is working for you and not against you, and remember you aren’t responsible for outcomes. This experience is in your life for some reason: so just be curious about the lessons you’ll learn and stay grounded and give yourself a nice day!

[Anonymous]

Replace that thought with any other thought that isn’t upsetting. Decide up front what that will be, and then when you think about what happened immediately think of what you decided. I can’t believe he said that- It’s almost strawberry season! Maybe I’ll make a strawberry mint cake.

The record is skipping, and you need to move the needle each time.

[Anonymous]

CBT for sure. Get a workbook from Amazon prime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a movie, go outside go to a trampoline park. Go outside and dance. Get a pedicure with a friend. Call your mom or a good friend and talk about totally unrelated stuff. Read firefly lane. Go for a long walk with a friend and don’t talk about it. Sit down and write cards to people you love “just because”

I’m a constant ruminator, prone to depression/anxiety and have adhd. Like you I don’t drink sleep well exercise and am now on meds. Like you I still have breakthrough episodes. For me I need to inturrupt the loop. I’m a physical person so physical things help me, as does walking and talking- gets me out of my head. Yoga does same. But you may be different.

Most importsntly , I’d encourage you to simply change your language around it. You’ve now spoken your fear: that it’s the beginning of an episode. But most people would be upset and might ruminate on such an incident. I’d try to meditate on the idea that you’re so lucky! You noticed your ruminating: that’s the first step! This can just be what it is: don’t give your body any fear that you’re heading to a downward spiral. Inside give yourself a hug for being so in touch with your emotions and for using healthy mechanisms like reaching out in this post to ask for help! I think you’re doing awesome. May this pass lightly. Just allow it to happen, trust yourself or god if you’re a believer- trust that the universe is working for you and not against you, and remember you aren’t responsible for outcomes. This experience is in your life for some reason: so just be curious about the lessons you’ll learn and stay grounded and give yourself a nice day!

This is OP Thank you for this! One of my go to is to just allow it to happen. I find that if I fight it too much, I just feel worse.

[Anonymous]

I’m a ruminator. Whenever I ruminated about things that happened at work and then brought it up later (all personal interactions like you describe), I got too upset and regretted it later. I wish I had just let them go. I feel like ruminating is a way to try and feel control over situations. Lately I know that not acting on what upsets me and knowing is empowering to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a movie, go outside go to a trampoline park. Go outside and dance. Get a pedicure with a friend. Call your mom or a good friend and talk about totally unrelated stuff. Read firefly lane. Go for a long walk with a friend and don’t talk about it. Sit down and write cards to people you love “just because”

I’m a constant ruminator, prone to depression/anxiety and have adhd. Like you I don’t drink sleep well exercise and am now on meds. Like you I still have breakthrough episodes. For me I need to inturrupt the loop. I’m a physical person so physical things help me, as does walking and talking- gets me out of my head. Yoga does same. But you may be different.

Most importsntly , I’d encourage you to simply change your language around it. You’ve now spoken your fear: that it’s the beginning of an episode. But most people would be upset and might ruminate on such an incident. I’d try to meditate on the idea that you’re so lucky! You noticed your ruminating: that’s the first step! This can just be what it is: don’t give your body any fear that you’re heading to a downward spiral. Inside give yourself a hug for being so in touch with your emotions and for using healthy mechanisms like reaching out in this post to ask for help! I think you’re doing awesome. May this pass lightly. Just allow it to happen, trust yourself or god if you’re a believer- trust that the universe is working for you and not against you, and remember you aren’t responsible for outcomes. This experience is in your life for some reason: so just be curious about the lessons you’ll learn and stay grounded and give yourself a nice day!

NP, this is great advice! Thank you.

[Anonymous]

You can’t think your way out of ruminating. You need to break out of it by doing something active

[Anonymous]

I'm a ruminator and recently made two adjustments that have helped:

1) I discovered that I ruminate about things if I feel powerless over them. This seems like the bullying episode at your job. You are thinking or being told to just not do anything about it and to wait and see if it happens again. I was doing the exact same sort of thing. My change was to actually try to address it, however mildly. For example, I spoke up about the circumstance upsetting me to the people doing the upsetting. I acknowledge that speaking about it doesn't mean the other people will change, or provide me with the result that I desire, but it helped to just say something. It helped to figure out that other people now had this additional information about me, and could make their own decisions accordingly.

2) I just decided to recognize that I was ruminating and relaxed. So I didn't beat myself up for ruminating; I just noticed what I was doing, labeled it, and just said ok. My brain perhaps won't give me peace but I don't need to make things worse by being mad at my brain.

[Anonymous]

OP, tabling an issue counts as addressing it. I use this strategy because rumination is something I struggle with during PMS. If I’m aware enough (lol) and I don’t need to address whatever it is right away, I just decide to revisit it in a week. You could even put it on the calendar. I would say this issue with your boss is something that will keep. Maybe bust out a quick draft of what you think you want to say to your boss about it, then put a time to review it on your calendar for a week from now. When it comes up again in your brain, you know you have a time set for that. I do draft emails sometimes and I’m usually glad I did the delay.